Saturday, June 21, 2008

Work, Pain & Processing

I work 20 hours one week & 9 the next. I am having trouble doing that. It's hard for me to admit that I might need to look at stopping working for a while. My job requires me to be up at 4-4.30 am 3 or 4 days a week depending on my hours. That combined with the standing for the whole shift & the leaning over & lifting are too much for me.

My pain levels are crap, I am never without pain. I am cane shopping so I can hopefully stop stumbling & falling. I have to use the wheelchairs in the big stores now. I've had my parking thing for almost 4 years now because of falling. It's been years now that I have days where I can not walk down steps & getting up them is always agony. Plus it's been almost 20 years that I have had a horrible headache, everyday.

I need to take some time & process what's happening in my life. I've now finally reached a point where I can't keep fighting this crap & I need to figure out how to deal with it. I can't keep denying anything is wrong & pretend that I'm going to figure out something that will fix it all & I can go back to my old self. I need to figure out how to make friends with this new me.

Hopefully I can get some PT & some braces that can get me to a much higher level of functioning, but that's going to be a while before I can get the dx confirmed, then I'll have to wait til I get referred to the places to try & fix what we can.

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